Debu.

Assalammualaikum and Hi !!

Patah hati.
Remuk dah.
Nothing left.
Who ask you to play with fire?
Kan Nadiah?
Alahai alahai, why must this happen?
I should see this coming, everything. 
From the very beginning.
Silly me.
You idiot, Nadiah.

Ya Allah Ya Allah Ya Allah.
Is this the punishment I got for not being good?
Ya Allah. 
*speechless*

Ya Allah, please lend me a little bit of strength to go through all of these.
Please ya Allah. 

la tahzan nadiah.

Assalammualaikum and Hi people!!

Weird this post has been in my draft since I don't know when.
And weird that it somehow relates to my situation right now.
It looks like I've been having the same problem since 2010.
Oh well, La Tahzan Nadiah, Allah is always with you.
Always.


Cheers.


p/s: Notice how different I typed now and then. Even the title looks weird without capital letters.


-------------------------------------------------------------------


hei you girl!
you're a strong girl aite?

dun be sad.

everything happens for a reason/reasons (?)

apakah?

hahaha.

be happy!

smile!
let go of anything unnecessary.

yeah.

let go.

break free.

you can do it.

you have to.

you MUST!!!

Same old same old.

Assalammualaikum and Hi !!

How long has it been since I last scribble my thoughts and feelings here?
Oh my, I mistreated you Cik Blog.
Sorry. And as I've mentioned before, I will only come here if I have problems.
Yes, I have problems.
The same ones.
The ones I can't manage and handle.
Phewww.
It's hard to be nice to people kan?
To pretend that we're okay whereas, we are certainly not okayyy!
My bad. I can't control my emotions and feelings.
But hey, come on Nadiah, you're 23 years old!
You should be matured enough to handle this kind of prob.


Move on.
Get over it.
Forget it.
Avoid it.


Oo Allah.


What should I do now?


p/s: I wish Doraemon's Anywhere Door exists. And no one will read this post. 

Sekali.

Assalammualaikum dan Hi!

Saya berjaya dan gagal.
Erk, apakah?
Tak tahulaah berjaya ke tak.
Sangat cuak.
After years, after years.
Ia kembali.
Dan lagi dahsyat.

Dihiris-hiris hatiku.

Assalammualaikum dan Hi!

Aku datang sini bila aku berduka.
Sangat tak adil untuk cik blog.
Aku berat sebelah pada dia, how to expect semua benda go with my flow? Kan?
Allah itu Maha Kuasa, senang je Dia jentikkan rasa benci, suka, meluat, kasih dalam hati kita.
Dan dalam sekelip mata juga Dia tarik balik semua perasaan yang dia bagi itu.
Kenapa?
Dia nak menguji hambaNya.
I should be proud because He chose me of all people.
Dia bagi aku rasa indah, rasa suka. Tapi, Dia juga sedarkan aku yang semua perasaan itu bukan authentic.
Mungkin, ia hanya singgah sebentar sebelum pergi ke tempat lain.
Makanya, aku tak seharusnya jadi lebih teruja. Aku harus bersedia menepis perasaan itu yang mungkin akan disusuli dengan bisikan syaitan.
Dan ye, aku gagal tadi.
Aku tunduk dan merintih pada Allah.
Aku persoalkan kenapa dan bagaimana.
Sedangkan aku yang tidak menjaga hati dengan elok. Bagaimana penjaga hati aku Yang Satu itu berkenan kan?
Aku seharusnya peka dan cuba atasi semua yang datang, bukannya dengan menangis atau berteriak.
Aku sepatutnya minta pada Dia untuk awasi dan kawal hati aku yang tak tentu arah keadaanya.
Ye, aku patut kikis rasa itu.
Selagi mampu dan berdaya.
Masih awal lagi.
Aku yakin aku boleh.
Allah suka perjuangan menentang nafsu sendiri.

Ya Allah, bantu aku Ya Allah.
Permudahkan semua urusanku.
Tetapkan hati aku Ya Allah.
Jangan biar ia mengada-ngada tak tentu arah.
Aku perlu pertolonganMu Ya Allah.

Ameen.

Moga berjaya mengharunginya.

Patah hati.

Assalammualaikum.

Lama tak rasa begini.
Lama tak rasa sengsara begini.
Rasa seolah-olah hati dihiris-hiris dengan pisau tajam.
Rasa seperti mahu menjerit sekuat yang boleh.
Mahu menjerit lama mungkin.
Mahu menangis habis-habisan.
Mahu meratap.
Mahu tinggalkan semuanya.
Mahu abaikan semua kerja.
Lain kali jangan mula awal.
Lain kali jangan buat beriya.
Lain kali jangan terlampau yakin.
Kan dah kecewa?
Ye, kecewa yang amat sangat.
Penat pun ada, sepuluh kali buat, sepuluh kalilah begitu saja end resultnya.
Dugaankah ini?
Kenapa sahabat lain berjaya?
Gah-gah semuanya.
Kita buat sekali kalaupun aku tak mula awal.
Ada yang mula lagi lambat dariku.
Kita semak kerja sama-sama kan?
Atau adakah aku kurang bijak berbanding kamu semua?
Usaha yang di beri tak mencukupi mungkin.
Ye, aku tak genius mahupun gifted.

Akhirnya, aku hanya mampu berpura-pura senyum dan terima apa yang mereka kata.
'Tak pe Nad, lain kali masih ada'
'Bukan rezeki kau tu Nad'
'Aku pun tak tau nak cakap apa Nad'
Ye, aku pun tatau apa nak cakap dengan pencapaian diri ini.

Mungkin betul, belum masanya nak berjaya.
Mungkin aku tak cukup usaha kot.
Jangan berdukalahh.
Kena tabah, kan?
Harapnya Allah memberi aku kekuatan untuk buat semula apa yang aku tinggalkan dan moga Dia sentiasa bagi ilham padaku untuk terus berusaha.
*cuba pujuk hati dan diri*
Mudah cakap Nad, nak buat payah.
Janganlah aku ignore kerja akademik semua ni lama sangat.
Banyak lagi kerja nak hantar walau kau tawar hati.

Over sangatkan aku?
Tapi hey, risau dengan hasil kerja sendiri.
Kalau berterusan, ijazah tahap apalah aku nak bawa balik Malaysia, kan?

Dan waktu beginilah aku rindu keluarga di Malaysia.
:-(

Redha dan Pasrah.
Banyak ke Pasrah sebenarnya.
Moga tabah hadapinya Nadiah.
'Never lose hope'
Allah sentiasa ada.

Sekian.
P/s: untung kau Cik Blog, gara-gara tensi, aku melawat kau.

....

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Luahan hatiku.
Serabut dan perlukan susun atur.

Thank you.

Of Stage Fright.

Assalammualaikum and Hi people!

Rindunya kat blog. :-)
Just finished my CLT presentation. Phewwww.
Lega yang teramat.
It went well, but we (Safwan and I) missed a very important aspect . :-\  silly us.
But luckily, there's our saviour, Encik Michael yang berdedikasi yang tolong topup our missing point.
Please, don't deduct our marks yaa?

Oh yeah, concerning the title.
Stage fright.
Me, I have stage fright.
Or that's what I always think.
Everytime, before presentations or speech or anything, I'll have this hyperbole feeling of nervous and stressed.
Afraid that I wouldn't be able to deliver my points and explain it to my friends.
Had this kind of feelings for as long as I can remember.

My sahabat baik said this: 'Dah tiga tahun kami kenal hampa Nad, cakap saja nervous la apa la, tapi nanti kat depan cakap laju macam train'
(ayat diubah ikut bahasa aku) heeee.
See, maybe it is just my halucination or imagination.
Or exaggeration?
Have to improve my self-confidence in this aspect.
Phewwww. Or else I'll have sleepless night before my presentation.
Please, bear that in mind, yeah? :-)
But, seeing this positively, being nervous and all might trigger us to prepare thoroughly before the presentation.
We'll tend to study the subject, make short notes etc.
Well, everything has its positive and negative side.
It is up to us how to face this matter.

Thank you sahabat-sahabat sebab sudi dengar rungutan nervous saya di kala presentation menjelang.
Sayang lebih laa! :-D

P/s: my feelings after presentation - refer to the pic below.
Satisfied, relieved.
Just like fireworks.

Silly me.

Assalammualaikum and Hi people!

It's 02:25 am and I'm still wide awake.
Oh yeah, I planned to update this blog about my Liverpool trip but hey, I just planned, didn't know my FB and Twitter time just flew away.
And here I am, trying to do my obligations towards my beloved blog.
Can't write on Liverpool trip as I can't think properly right now. Haaaa!

So, what shall I write?
About Aidiladha?
Nothing much.
There'll be a small gathering among Malaysians on Sunday.
Prayers and preaches? *sesuai ke word ni?* :-)

Oh yeah, I got myself a new phone casing for my SII.
I bought it because it is very cheap.
99pence and free delivery.
Nice, aite?

I think, this will be it.
Another random and meaningless entry.
:-)
Till then.

Thanks people!

P/s: that's the casing. Colourful aite? I'll try buying an elegant one next time. :-)

Not again!

Assalammualaikum and Hi people!

Words and expressions have indeed failed me again.
Both this aspect failed me again today.
It's connected with feelings too.
Uh oh, this is just too complicated.
Initially, I considered myself innocent but seeing how things go, I, once again believe I'm guilty.
This isn't good people.
I don't understand how my brain works and how theirs work too.

Pressure increases and I feel more demotivated.
What shall I do?

Mode: Blur.

Thanks.